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Catfish
Gets 20 Feet!
by
Matt Roving
HAWAIIAN
ISLANDS--SNORKEL BOB, HIMSELF, called for calmness this week when
his cat, Catfish, got 20 feet--and came up meowing about it.
"A cutesy kitten playing grab-the-grouper is one
thing," Snorkel Bob said. "But 20 feet! It's a feline depth
record! But let's clear the water."
Snorkel Bob denied candidacy. "Catfish is an athlete,
not a political figure. Okay, call her a female athlete of color. But
she simply loves the reef, and all those little fish keep her coming back.
I, Snorkel Bob, told Catfish her amazing feat will change nothing. I,
Snorkel Bob, have spoken:
"Catfish will make no waves. She's only a cat who
feared the beach. I, Snorkel Bob, called her Scaredy Cat. But parents
shouldn't make fun of their children. I, Snorkel Bob, now know that waves
breaking look like dogs barking if you're a cat. Foaming tooth and jowl
was the recurrent dream--but we worked through it. Now Catfish is nose
down, whiskers wet--but you, my friends, can imagine my, Snorkel Bob's,
chagrin when Catfish no more stay--only some teency tincy fuzzy little
 bubbles
where she used to was. Oh no! I, Snorkel Bob, thought. And down, I Snorkel
Bob, went, reviewing the A-B-Cs of kitty CPR...
"There she was, too unbelievable to believe, poking gobies,
puffing puffers, tweaking octopuses." Snorkel Bob said he and Catfish
have had a little talk on kindness to animals. "I, Snorkel Bob, told
her, Catfish: Never catch what you can't eat."
Snorkel Bob said he's proud of Catfish's free-dive skill,
"Because she doesn't give a chickenbit about any record. She's not
a female-cat-activist or a tabby-rights radical. She thinks a cat should
stand on her own 4 feet. She loves the water. That's all. That moistens
a guy like me, Snorkel Bob, right in the eyes, considering the home environment
and all."
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